Don't Settle! Living the Single Life

So before all you married folks turn me off, this article is for everyone. Why? Because even if you are already married, you may be able to help someone who is single with this very important issue.

Some years ago, I co-hosted a radio show, "If it Don't Fit...Don't Forge It," that focused on relationships. A common question was why do people settle for someone less than their "perceived" equal? Surprisingly, oftentimes, it's not low self-confidence that makes them run into the arms of someone who's subpar for them: it's a direct result of external pressure from family and friends.

I've seen more clients and acquaintances throw themselves into so-so relationships because they think that's what's expected of them. Whether it's pressure from mothers who want grandchildren or all their friends are starting to get married and have babies, it's important to not succumb to the pressure to fall victim to what I like to call "the box."

Tell yourself that you're bigger than the box. You're so much more than someone who "needs" to be in a relationship, or who "needs to start having a family. People (including loved ones) will always try to put you in a box. Sometimes they do it out of love--they think that since they feel more comfortable and secure in a relationship, that you should be the same way too.

Don't ever let anyone put you in a box--

and don't ever place yourself in a box just

because you feel pressured by family members,

friends, or society in general.

The fear of being single is a pervasive problem, especially as societal demands emphasize the appearance that it's "normal" to be married or in a relationship by a certain age. As we find ourselves caught up in these societal demands, we start to give ourselves deadlines for when we want to be married, have babies, etc...and when we don't meet those deadlines, we enter into a panic mode. Soon, we're willing to settle with anyone who comes along, just so we can fit in those deadlines and be just like "everyone else."

Well, I'm here to cut through the nonsense, because I don't believe we can peg our fear of being single on society. It's just a lame excuse because you just don't know how to be by yourself. There's no doubt that it's challenging, but how much harder is it to see your life pass before you while you're forcing yourself to fit inside the box of a relationship that's just not right for you?

If you're afraid of being single or think that it's easier to be in a relationship, then you're clearly not stepping up to the place and bringing your A-Game. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. The person who is staring back at you deserves to be happy and excited about life's many opportunities. There's a world of possibility out there that's just waiting for you to embrace it--and you'll only be ready for it if you're willing to bring your A-Game!

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